Covetton House Introduces: “Covetton Yurt”

Covetton House Introduces: “Covetton Yurt”


( LAUGHTER )
EVERYONE KNOWS I LOVE CELEBRITY LIFESTYLE BRAND GOOP, AND
GWYNETH PALTROW, THE WELLNESSMONGER FAMOUS FOR HER
$66 JADE VAGINA EGGS, “STICKERS THAT PROMOTE HEALING” FOR $120,
AND THIS $435 ANTI-AGING MASK MEANT TO REDUCE WRINKLES AND
APPROPRIATE FOR MOST ORGIES. THEIR LATEST PRODUCT TAKING THE
INTERNET BY STORM IS A CANDLE ENTITLED “THIS SMELLS LIKE MY
VAGINA.” OKAY. I HAVE QUESTIONS. AND I’M NOT SURE HOW TO ASK ANY
OF THEM, BUT LET’S START WITH “WHOSE?”
( LAUGHTER ) GWYNETH’S? BECAUSE I’LL BUY THE EGG, BUT I
JUST WANNA BE FRIENDS. THIS IS THE MOST TALKED-ABOUT
ITEM PUT OUT BY AN OSCAR WINNER SINCE JACK LEMMON’S “THIS AIR
FRESHENER LOOKS LIKE MY PENIS”. ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) YEAH, JACK LEMMON! IRONICALLY NOT LEMON SCENTED. ( PIANO RIFF )
( APPLAUSE ) NATURALLY, THIS THING COST, $75
AND WAS IMMEDIATELY SOLD OUT. ( LAUGHTER )
UNTIL THEY RE-STOCK, YOU’LL JUST HAVE TO SETTLE FOR “THIS CANDLE
SMELLS LIKE A PINE TREE’S ASS.” ( LAUGHTER )
BUT THAT’S WHAT I LOVE ABOUT GOOPETH! SHE’S ALWAYS THINKING, ALWAYS
MOVING, NEVER SITTING STILL. PARTLY BECAUSE SITTING IS TOUGH
WITH THAT MANY PRODUCTS IN THE OL’ GOOP CHUTE. ( LAUGHTER )
THAT’S WHY NETFLIX JUST ANNOUNCED A GOOPY NEW TV SHOW,
TWEETING, “GWYNETH PALTROW WELCOMES YOU TO THE GOOP LAB!”
I DON’T GET WHAT SHE’S DOING INSIDE THOSE CONCENTRIC
CROSS-SECTIONS OF A FOOTBALL. ( LAUGHTER )
THE NEW SHOW EXPLORES EVERYTHING THAT’S TOO CRAZY FOR THE
INTERNET.>>WHAT HAPPENS IN A WORKSHOP?”
>>EVERYONE GETS OFF.>>WHAT THE (BLEEP) ARE YOU
DOING TO PEOPLE?>>WHAT WE TRY TO DO AT GOOP IS
EXPLORE IDEAS THAT MAY SEEM OUT THERE OR– TOO SCARY.>>STEPHEN: NOTHING SCARY ABOUT
A THOUSAND PINS IN YOUR FACE. I SAW IT YEARS AGO IN THAT
POPULAR WELLNESS DOCUMENTARY “HELLRAISER.” ( LAUGHTER )
“WELCOME TO THE PIT OF ENDLESS TORMENT. HELP YOURSELF TO SOME CUCUMBER
WATER.” ( LAUGHTER )
( APPLAUSE ) ( PIANO RIFF )
“THE GOOP LAB” WILL INTRODUCE US TO THE MOST GROUNDBREAKING
SCIENTIF-ISH WELLNESS TECHNIQUES.>>I… HAD AN EXORCISM.>>OH, WOOOOOW.>>I WENT THROUGH YEARS OF
THERAPY IN ABOUT FIVE HOURS. I STARTED TO FEEL, LIKE A PANIC
ATTACK COMING ON. SHE KNEW SOMETHING THAT MY
HUSBAND DIDN’T EVEN KNOW.>>YOU WANT TO TALK ABOUT THE
VULVA.>>Stephen: OKAY —
( LAUGHTER ) — FOR THE RECORD, THAT’S NOT
WELLNESS THERAPY. SHE’S MAKING CANDLES. ( LAUGHTER )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )>>Jon: OH, AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH! AAAHHH! ( PIANO RIFF )
>>Stephen: POINT IS, GOOP LAB PROMISES ONE THING —
>>THIS IS DANGEROUS.>>IT’S UNREGULATED.>>SHOULD I BE SCARED? WE’RE HERE ONE TIME, ONE LIFE,
HOW CAN WE REALLY MILK THE (BLEEP) OUT OF THIS?”
>>STEPHEN: NOW, IF YOU CYNICS THINK “THE GOOP LAB” IS A CASH
GRAB THAT EXPLOITS PEOPLE’S FEAR OF AGING AND SACRIFICES THEIR
SAFETY TO PEDDLE PSEUDO-SCIENTIFIC, NEW-AGEY
GARBAGE… WELL-SPOTTED. ( LAUGHTER )
AND DADDY WANTS IN!>>Jon: HA HA! OH, MY! ( PIANO RIFF )
( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE ) THAT’S WHERE MY OWN HIGH-END
LIFESTYLE BRAND, COVETTON HOUSE, COMES IN. WE’RE LAUNCHING A NEW TELEVISION
SHOW CALLED “COVETTON YURT.” ( LAUGHTER )
( CALMING MUSIC )>>BAROQUE SIMPLICITY, SHABBY
ELEGANCE, GIVE ME MONEY. COVETTON HOUSE.>>Stephen: NAMASTE. ( CHEERS AND APPLAUSE )
WELCOME TO “COVETTON YURT.” IN THE YURT, WE EXPLORE IDEAS
THAT ARE TOO “OUT THERE” OR “TOO SCARY” FOR SCIENCE. ARE YOU DANGEROUS ENOUGH TO FIND
OUT IF THIS $8,000 BOTTLE OF UNPASTEURIZED GIRAFFE MILK
WILL ALLEVIATE YOUR ANXIETY? WE’VE ONLY GOT ONE GIRAFFE. LET’S MILK THE (BLEEP) OUT OF
HER. ( LAUGHTER )
AND IS THIS MAN A PSYCHIC WHO CAN SUMMON AN INCUBUS TO
STIMULATE YOUR G-SPOT, OR IS HE A VAGRANT I CAUGHT STEALING MY
MAIL AND GAVE HIM A SANDWICH TO POSE FOR THIS PHOTO? THE ANSWER IS IN THE YURT. AND SO IS HE. HE REALLY NEEDS A PLACE TO
CRASH. WE’LL BE RIGHT BACK WITH JOE
SCARBOROUGH AND MIKA BRZEZINSKI!

100 thoughts on “Covetton House Introduces: “Covetton Yurt””

  1. ព្រួញដែលខ្ញុំបាញ់រហ័សណាស់ បាញ់កន្លែងណាខ្ទិចកន្លែងនឹង។

  2. Fee advertising for a con woman. She's dishonest and can manipulate media like nobody's business. Let's just ignore the wacko.

  3. I still like Gwyneth paltrow because she came on the show and laughed at herself and goop once. She at least can laugh at herself and be a good sport about it.

  4. If them stickers can help me get through work without the mid day slump, make me sleep like a baby, breeze through chores and drive through rush hour traffic without a care in the world, they might be worth it. But I don’t care what the benefits of that candle are, ain’t no way in hell I want to buy that.

  5. Good grief, can't she go a few years without telling us what she does with her vagina? The jade eggs are BS, and gynecologists have spoken out against vaginal steaming, which GP promoted.

  6. G.P., who in their right mind would buy those reimagined New Age items, who in their right mind would sell them? Please, it was disgusting and not even good quality. You are reaching too hard. Get real.

  7. Does "Goop labs" remind anyone else of the "Grot Shop" from the old British comedy" The Fall and Rise of Reginald Perrin"? I'd like to see a bunch of her marks get together in a few years and sue her saying "We bought and used all of your anti-aging products for years, but we keep getting older!"

  8. I wonder how they call that one spot in the "Goop Lab" where Gwyneth is located in that image.
    Probably something with G… ^^

  9. Too fast to read: "Gwyneth Paltrow and Goop's latest health fad was so bad that NASA got involved" https://youtu.be/uXbw0UAv8Lo?t=13

  10. I used to feel bad that she & Chris consciously uncoupled. Now I just think "good for Chris", cause Gwyneth's riding the crazy train.

  11. People hating Gwyneth for selling overpriced and weird products but if someone is stupid enough to consume them, why not? It's not like her company is going into losses coz of the weird products, infact she is getting more publicity with the weird stuff.

  12. It is unbelievable the amount of BS people are willing to believe to not accept their traumas and how fucked up all of us are, not correct nor improve anything and keep living in their BS Bubble. No wonder religion, Hollywood "Psychics" and homeopathy are so successful. I don't want to be treated with respect and be treated like an adult, I want to be put in a fantasy like a kid, while I pay a lot of money for it.
    The "She is making candles joke" good one, haven't heard 1 in a while

  13. I like Gwyneth, I would never buy a product that she sells, it's not my taste, but I think she found her niche market and if people like it then awesome. I think that all of the negative comments about her are unnecessary.

  14. Nah; if it had any balls it would say "smells like my vulva" but nope that's a little too real, gotta pretend it's the vagina itself that smells.

  15. can you imagine there are people out there who have everything and get excited whenever goop offers some new shit? I can't.

  16. As funny as railing on Goop is people need to stop validating this stupidity. Every time I hear of another goop product selling out, or at all, I think damn there a lot of bored white women with more money than sense.
    She admits she has NO idea what "her products" do or even if they work and she's just selling her name. She's what happens if Ivanka Trump didn't have to borrow her daddy's name to sell her rip offs.

  17. If Gwyneth Paltrow wants to go the extra line, how about selling a milk product saying 'This milk came from my tits?'

  18. I honestly believe that Goop is a gift shop for people with money to waste. Imagine being in Hollywood and you want to find a unique high end joke gift. Voila, the vagina candle which really just smells like tuberose and gardenia.

  19. Narcissistic idiots with low self-esteem and too much money + ungrounded beliefs in New Age, woo-woo mysticism = Gwyneth's core target audience

  20. I find this profoundly weird. That's a weird flex, right? Telling the whole world your slice smells of potpourri. I imagine the actual smell of the candle is nice, so I will choose to believe the whole vagina thing is something people ignore.

  21. she endorses this and then she is shown saying wtf u doing to ppl and at the same time moronicccc laugh…….or should I say dumb blondie laughing at what she is part of?!……yeah n just today I heard robert dj saying gwe reads script one time n says yeah she got it in one go….so all scripted with no applied brains?! ms paltrow?….lol lol lol lol lol….these ppl r fucking idiots at goop ….I mean what goop lab? I mean really lab?….lol lol….she comes equivalent to sex cults….working behind legal name……which were apprantely working hiding….I think she just realizing she is "also" a sexual being….what an awaken american sweetheart……lol lol lol….that's what to take from it blondie realizing she has sexual side to her…..common…laughing at others when the whole freaking joke is on you urself?!….lol m like lol

  22. I don’t blame Gwenoop. After all there are two ways in this world from which you can make money: your own wisdom or other people’s idiocy. She clearly doesn’t have the first one down so she is exploiting the hell out of the second one.

  23. Covetton House and Our Lady Of Perpetual Exemption are bleeding my wallet dry. But at least it's all for a good cause, right?

  24. How can I horn in on this King's New Clothing merchandising? I want the mailing list of people willing to buy a vagina smelling candle for $75.

  25. You know the writing is good when Steven is so close to breaking so many times. I don't blame Gwyneth smart business woman taking advantage of idiots. Idiots that can afford this garbage so don't feel too bad for them. A fool and their money are parted easily and often.

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