Brewstew – Tommy’s House

Brewstew – Tommy’s House

Alright, now usually
when you’re growing up you tend to have a friend
that you like hanging out with, but you don’t really like
going to their house. And for me that was my friend Tommy. Now, I didn’t like going
to Tommy’s house for a couple of reasons. For one,
his house had a weird smell to it. And by weird smell I mean,
as soon as you walk in you’d be like: “Oh, sick! Is somebody microwaving
socks in a Denny’s bathroom?” “What the hell is that?!” And for two, his family wasn’t
the most pleasant people to be around. His mom had a bunch
of weird-ass rules that you’d have to follow
when you’re there. “You’re not allowed to use
our bathroom, you hear me?!” “I don’t know where you came from
or who your parents are.” “So you’re not allowed
to take a piss in this house!” And then you had
Tommy’s creepy-ass grandma, who would always talk to me but I could never understand
what she was saying. Because she talked like fuckin’
Jabba the Hutt from Star Wars. “Ooben Na chaaben soooo loooou…” “Dude, what the hell is she saying,
is she about to freeze me in carbonite?!” “Hha-hah, I don’t know, maybe!” So needless to say,
Tommy’s house sucked ass. But there was one redeeming
factor about Tommy’s house. And that was that
he had a PlayStation 2. And I’ll never forget the day
that Tommy got Grand Theft Auto 3. It was like a goddamn
national holiday to us. I’m hanging out in front of my house
with my next-door neighbor Michael. I got my sweet
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson hat on, looking like a hard-ass. “Woah, careful honey,
I can smell what that kid is cooking.” “And I don’t want to be a part of it.” All of a sudden Tommy comes up to us: “Hha-ha, hha-ha! You guys wanna come over
and play PlayStation 2 at my house?” “Oh, and deal with your mean-ass mom
and your weird-ass grandma? No, thank you!” “Hha-hha, my grandma’s dead!” Now, a sidenote here,
Tommy would always lie about stuff. All the time for absolutely no reason. And he would always lie
about his grandma being dead. Now, why would he do that? I don’t know,
Tommy was a sick fuck, I guess. He would lie about
his grandma being dead and you would feel all bad for him. Then you’d go over to his house and you would see her ass
sitting in the living room, watching Leave It to Beaver. “Tommy, your grandma’s not dead,
I’m not falling for that again.” “Hha-ha, come on, dude,
I got Grand Theft Auto 3!” “Oh, hell yeah, Grand Theft Auto 3!” “I wanna run over some hookers
with an ice cream truck!” “Calm down, Michael, just calm down.” “We all want to run over hookers
with an ice-cream truck.” “But do you really wanna deal
with Tommy’s weird-ass grandma?” “Hha-hah,
I just told you my grandma’s dead.” “God damn it, Tommy, she’s not dead!
You’re a liar and you’re lying just like..” “the time you told me that your cousin
was on an episode of Boy Meets World.” “Hha-hah! He was, though.” “Are we gonna run over hookers
with an ice-cream truck or what?!” So we walk into Tommy’s house, we’re all gung-ho,
ready to commit some felonies. “Oh, sick, why does it smell like
a dog shit in a bag of Fritos in here?” I look over to the other side
of the living room, and sure as shit, there’s Tommy’s grandma, alive and well. (Grandma-Jabba-Evil laughter) “Ooben-chaaben soooo loooou…” “God damn it, I knew it!
Tommy, what is the matter with you?!” “You’re like the little boy that cried,
‘My grandma’s dead!'” So we start heading to Tommy’s bedroom, and all of a sudden
Tommy’s grandma has the audacity to take my sweet
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson hat right off the top of my head. “Hey, what the hell?!” “Tommy, you better get
your grandma under control before I tip her ass
out of the wheelchair!” “We don’t like hats in this house,
you can get it when you leave.” “I don’t know where you came from
and who your parents are, so there’s no hats in this house!” “And if you gotta take a piss,
there is a tree in the backyard you can use.” So I have to cut my losses and let Tommy’s weird-ass grandma
have my hat for the time being. And we go in his room and play
some goddamn Grand Theft Auto 3. But there is one big problem,
that is stopping us. The goddamn game disc
is all scratched up and we can’t get the thing to work. “Jesus, Tommy, where did you find
this game, out in the street?” “Hha-hah, my sister’s
boyfriend gave it to me.” “What, after he was done
wiping his ass with it?” “This thing is all jacked up, it’s got more scratches in it,
than a fucking lottery ticket.” “How the hell are we
gonna get this thing to work?!” “I heard if you put
toothpaste on the disc, it helps to get rid
of the scratches.” “Michael, we’re not putting toothpaste
on the disc, don’t be ridiculous!” “What’s the game got, fucking gingivitis?” “Hey, I’m just trying to be constructive!” “All I wanna do is run over some
hookers with a goddamn ice-cream truck!” So there we were, squeezing out toothpaste on this
goddamn Grand Theft Auto 3 game disc. Hoping that it just might work. We put the game back in the PlayStation,
and you wouldn’t believe me if I told you… But somehow Michael’s
bullshit toothpaste method.. totally did not work at all. Are you fucking kidding me? We’ve squared like a half tube
of Colgate on the damn thing! Not only did the game not work, but we probably fucked up
Tommy’s PlayStation 2 while we’re at it. “Hha-hah! It’s making some weird noises..” So there was no
Grand Theft Auto 3 that day. Which meant there was no running
over hookers with an ice-cream truck. “Ah, darn it!” “Me and Michael were so mad,
we just left Tommy’s house.” And it wasn’t until
I got home, that I realised “Oh, damn it!” “I left my sweet
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson hat with Tommy’s weird-ass grandma.” And after that day
I didn’t see Tommy for weeks. Finally, like a month goes by
and I go back to Tommy’s house. “Hey, I need my sweet
Dwayne ‘The Rock’ Johnson hat back!” “Where is your weird-ass grandma at?” “Hha-hah, duude my grandma died!” “God damn it, Tommy,
I’m not doing this.” “Your grandma’s not dead, she doesn’t die,
she’s like the Terminator of all grandmas!” “Ohhh.. shit, she really is
dead this time, isn’t she?” “Ah.. whoops.” Special Thanks To: (All these wonderful people) &
All the other Patrons!

100 thoughts on “Brewstew – Tommy’s House”

  1. One of my best friends name Tommy and he’s into wrestling. How ironic. I really liked him and I still do but since I met my other best friend forever/bestie rumsey Who is actually a grade younger than me and tell me is a grade younger than me too I just got held back for technically he’s in my grade and she’s a grade younger I think your high score and we’ve graduated, but he moved to Atlanta between ninth and 10th over the summer

  2. Yeah I like going to his house and sometimes sleeping over, I hope to go see new house in Atlanta. I just can’t spend the night anymore because he has a cat or actually where I could because my sister who is older 38 and my uncle is 28 has a cat in the lease before and she lives in the old house so maybe I could spend the night just wash all the bed sheets and stuff like that

  3. Yeah and after the fair he never really knew his dad and stepmom Dad’s feelings with it but his aunt. birth mom is still alive and really sweet

  4. I have another friend just like that and then Issac could’ve exact same thing he always says he doesn’t feel good and sometimes I think it’s true and other times I think you should lying. Like when he gets in trouble and on the phone he says I don’t feel good

  5. Or when he sick or claims he sick for that matter and starts dancing around in gym His class graduated 2018 but he store I guess I had some stuff to do at the high school

  6. my friend said his grandma died of cancer the night before and he just said that lie so we would feel bad for him and give him lego people. (yes we liked legos then laugh all you want.)

  7. Mihcal.all sick let's run over some hookers with an ice cream truck well number 1 the disc is broken

    Mihcal.put colgade on it about rice you no the 2020 stuff

  8. On the last scene I would go "There's my hat, I'm gonna leave now" *Rushes to the door*. "From that moment, I never went to Tommy's house again". Something like that


  10. I used banana peels to fix my back yard wrestling 2 disk for the ps2. I don’t remember if it even worked since I forgot

  11. Shoulda used peanut butter bro…I remember that old trick and it actually worked!
    “I just wanna run over some hookers with an ice cream truck”… said every GTA fan at some point. Hahah

  12. Seems like a stupid question and a pretty pointless one but I must know
    Was tommy that one tall kid in the group

  13. "Tommy would always lie about stuff, all the time, for absolutely no reason."

    Sounds like this one girl I used to hang out with in middle school…

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